Do You Ever Sit Here Staring at the Screen for 15 Minutes Trying to Think of a Clever Title?
Hello blog. It's been a while since I've used you. I wish you would remind me to stop by from time to time, because I simply forget about you. I'm sorry. =)
Nah, I just thought I would stop in here with life updates. Or is that the lack of a life? I can hardly tell the difference anymore. I often times wonder what my life will be like 20, 10, or hell, even 5 years from now. Will I still be in the same house, doing the same job, or will I be living out in California with friends, or maybe I'll meet someone and we will live together. The future is an uncertain destiny in my case, and as I am getting closer and closer to being 30 years old, it's really starting to bother me. I wish my life had more direction. I wish I was interested in something more than what I am doing right now. What I am doing right now doesn't even really interest me, in the case of my work. It's just something to do to pay the bills, a fact that is apparently lost on everyone at work. Our managers seem to think we are supposed to care about a store that they don't care about themselves, for the lowest possible pay they can afford to give us and keep us working. What I earn at my job for the shit that I have to put up with on a daily basis is an absolute joke. Once Julie moves out of the house, which should be done by the end of this week, there are only a few things that are going to happen.
One, I'll be spending all my spare time at home, because once she is gone and I have to pay all the bills, I will have no money left over to do anything else, other than buy a few groceries and put gas in my car to drive back and forth to work.
Two, I will be spending a lot more time alone than I am accustomed to. I am looking forward to the me time, but I also find myself wondering---how is the solitude going to affect my attitude, and my views on the world? Will it suffer for it, or will I become a happier person in the process? I guess time will tell.
Three, I probably won't be decorating my house for Christmas this year, because once she is gone and takes her christmas tree with her, I won't even be able to afford to buy a tree. Which does not bode well for the prospects of gifts. I won't be able to buy any christmas gifts at all this year, which sickens me. Nothing for my mom and dad, nothing for my handful of best friends that I have always bought for. All I'll be able to afford this year is a card, a hug, and a "Merry Christmas" wish from me to you. Such is life, I suppose. I don't know how people with families do it from year to year. Of course with families, there are TWO incomes to depend upon, or at least there SHOULD be. I wouldn't really know. I'll never have a family.
Of course, that option suits me just fine. I don't really like kids anyway, which everyone probably knows at this point, and of course, there is the whole gay thing too....two men, the last time I studied up on it, are not capable of producing a child. LOL. But yeah right---even the guy that I have been speaking to recently has pretty much up and vanished into the wind. I haven't spoken to him for days, nor has he made any effort to contact me, whether it be an email, an instant message...nothing at all. I don't know why I continue to bother. Nobody ever does anything but disappoint me. But then again, that's why I have so many good friends online now. My friends online---when they are on, it's all great, and we can chat away. But you don't feel that sadness when they are not there, because you know they are simply busy, or working, or sleeping, or anything for that matter. They are only a few clicks of the keyboard away. In real life, people are much more complex than that---and I have simply grown tired of dealing with the day to day dramas of these people---it's too much. I have my own shit to worry about. I don't burden the world or my friends with my money problems, my loneliness issues, or anything else for that matter. But for some reason---the people that I meet in the real world have got problems and more problems that interfere with life, with getting to know one another, with lusting after someone you can't have........
Sorry, I got a little off track there. Life is a bitch, and then you die, right? True of everyone I suppose, and it's pointless to go on about it. I guess I could just summarize that last paragraph to read "I miss Jt and hope he gets things figured out soon." There, easy enough!
Now, I must get up off of this chair, go stretch my legs and get myself a bowl of cereal. Work is going to be so much fun today! It's Thanksgiving week, after all, and people come out in droves when the holidays roll around. It's like that scene in that movie where the two ladies were fighthing over that last ham.....you have no idea how insane these people get. And there I am, right in the middle of it, plodding on with my pointless job....joy joy.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Nah, I just thought I would stop in here with life updates. Or is that the lack of a life? I can hardly tell the difference anymore. I often times wonder what my life will be like 20, 10, or hell, even 5 years from now. Will I still be in the same house, doing the same job, or will I be living out in California with friends, or maybe I'll meet someone and we will live together. The future is an uncertain destiny in my case, and as I am getting closer and closer to being 30 years old, it's really starting to bother me. I wish my life had more direction. I wish I was interested in something more than what I am doing right now. What I am doing right now doesn't even really interest me, in the case of my work. It's just something to do to pay the bills, a fact that is apparently lost on everyone at work. Our managers seem to think we are supposed to care about a store that they don't care about themselves, for the lowest possible pay they can afford to give us and keep us working. What I earn at my job for the shit that I have to put up with on a daily basis is an absolute joke. Once Julie moves out of the house, which should be done by the end of this week, there are only a few things that are going to happen.
One, I'll be spending all my spare time at home, because once she is gone and I have to pay all the bills, I will have no money left over to do anything else, other than buy a few groceries and put gas in my car to drive back and forth to work.
Two, I will be spending a lot more time alone than I am accustomed to. I am looking forward to the me time, but I also find myself wondering---how is the solitude going to affect my attitude, and my views on the world? Will it suffer for it, or will I become a happier person in the process? I guess time will tell.
Three, I probably won't be decorating my house for Christmas this year, because once she is gone and takes her christmas tree with her, I won't even be able to afford to buy a tree. Which does not bode well for the prospects of gifts. I won't be able to buy any christmas gifts at all this year, which sickens me. Nothing for my mom and dad, nothing for my handful of best friends that I have always bought for. All I'll be able to afford this year is a card, a hug, and a "Merry Christmas" wish from me to you. Such is life, I suppose. I don't know how people with families do it from year to year. Of course with families, there are TWO incomes to depend upon, or at least there SHOULD be. I wouldn't really know. I'll never have a family.
Of course, that option suits me just fine. I don't really like kids anyway, which everyone probably knows at this point, and of course, there is the whole gay thing too....two men, the last time I studied up on it, are not capable of producing a child. LOL. But yeah right---even the guy that I have been speaking to recently has pretty much up and vanished into the wind. I haven't spoken to him for days, nor has he made any effort to contact me, whether it be an email, an instant message...nothing at all. I don't know why I continue to bother. Nobody ever does anything but disappoint me. But then again, that's why I have so many good friends online now. My friends online---when they are on, it's all great, and we can chat away. But you don't feel that sadness when they are not there, because you know they are simply busy, or working, or sleeping, or anything for that matter. They are only a few clicks of the keyboard away. In real life, people are much more complex than that---and I have simply grown tired of dealing with the day to day dramas of these people---it's too much. I have my own shit to worry about. I don't burden the world or my friends with my money problems, my loneliness issues, or anything else for that matter. But for some reason---the people that I meet in the real world have got problems and more problems that interfere with life, with getting to know one another, with lusting after someone you can't have........
Sorry, I got a little off track there. Life is a bitch, and then you die, right? True of everyone I suppose, and it's pointless to go on about it. I guess I could just summarize that last paragraph to read "I miss Jt and hope he gets things figured out soon." There, easy enough!
Now, I must get up off of this chair, go stretch my legs and get myself a bowl of cereal. Work is going to be so much fun today! It's Thanksgiving week, after all, and people come out in droves when the holidays roll around. It's like that scene in that movie where the two ladies were fighthing over that last ham.....you have no idea how insane these people get. And there I am, right in the middle of it, plodding on with my pointless job....joy joy.
Happy Thanksgiving.
posted by Scooter at 3:35 AM
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