Does it Hurt When You Do THIS??
I am going to be 30 years old soon, and this got me to thinking about something rather strange. My mom was 30 years old when she had me. My father was 24. They had been married for almost 2 years, and were well on their way to having their lives settled in for the long haul.
30 years later, they are still married, I'm gettin old, and the worst part is that when I think of them and what life must have been like for them at the time, my life seems like a somewhat useless thing in comparison. I live alone now, with my cat. I am not in a relationship, I don't see myself being in one anytime soon, and what's more, even though I've been single for over 8 years now, I'm not even sure I WANT to be in one.
First of all, getting married and having a kid would be a little more difficult in my case, LOL. Secondly, I don't like kids. Kids have been the end of so many of my friendships, I can't even begin to explain. The one person I care for most in the world besides my folks is my friend Andrea. We've known each other for 23 years. I've seen her twice this year, for about an hour each time. She got married to a guy who already had 3 kids of his own, and they have one, so boom, instant family, and no time for anything else. I mean, I don't blame her....it's the life she always dreamed of having---but when we DO get a chance to talk on the phone or IM for a while...she sounds exhausted, and furthermore, TIRED of having to take care of them all. I sometimes wonder if it's more than she was bargaining for, but it's too late to turn back now.
Not only that, kids are expensive. They take up a lot of time and energy. I have the time. What I don't have is the money. I am barely making it taking care of just myself, so there's no way I could afford a kid, especially with everything as expensive as it is nowadays. And, in order to have a kid, I'd have to have sex with a woman, which, frankly, is not tops on my list of things to do......=P
I don't know---sometimes I sit back and look onto the lives of all my friends with envious eyes. Seems everyone either has or is getting everything they want, everything they need, and it just comes to them with no effort whatsoever. I know that's not the case, but in recent weeks, especially with the finances that I'm now having to deal with, and with the fact that all the rest of my friends are just having money handed over to them, it's just hard to not look upon life with a cynical eye. Speaking of money being handed to people, I just found out that ANOTHER friend of mine from work won over $2,000 playing bingo a few nights ago. Bingo! Can you freaking believe that? She spent $4 on her cards and was rewarded with a $2,079 prize at the end of the night. Fucking unreal. I can't even win $2 on a scratch off lottery ticket.....
I need something to go right in my life, and I need it soon. I need to find a new job, something I am looking into for myself at the moment, something that pays at least a LITTLE more than what I am earning now. I need a friend to talk to, someone I can always count on to be there--something I just don't have at the moment, despite all of my friends all over the world on the internet. I don't have someone that I can just call up and say "hey, let's go have a cup of coffee and talk for a while". I don't have anyone to hold at night while I sleep. My body pillow bears the brunt of my nighttime affections. So much that almost every morning when I wake up, the silly thing has escaped the bed and is curled up on the floor next to the bed.....Love you too Mr. Pillow. And I am as old as my parents were when they had me and were settling into their lives for the long haul.
I wonder what my long haul is going to turn out to be. I wish I had some kind of an idea....any clue would be great. But for now, I sit watching this November thunderstorm in Michigan and wait.....
30 years later, they are still married, I'm gettin old, and the worst part is that when I think of them and what life must have been like for them at the time, my life seems like a somewhat useless thing in comparison. I live alone now, with my cat. I am not in a relationship, I don't see myself being in one anytime soon, and what's more, even though I've been single for over 8 years now, I'm not even sure I WANT to be in one.
First of all, getting married and having a kid would be a little more difficult in my case, LOL. Secondly, I don't like kids. Kids have been the end of so many of my friendships, I can't even begin to explain. The one person I care for most in the world besides my folks is my friend Andrea. We've known each other for 23 years. I've seen her twice this year, for about an hour each time. She got married to a guy who already had 3 kids of his own, and they have one, so boom, instant family, and no time for anything else. I mean, I don't blame her....it's the life she always dreamed of having---but when we DO get a chance to talk on the phone or IM for a while...she sounds exhausted, and furthermore, TIRED of having to take care of them all. I sometimes wonder if it's more than she was bargaining for, but it's too late to turn back now.
Not only that, kids are expensive. They take up a lot of time and energy. I have the time. What I don't have is the money. I am barely making it taking care of just myself, so there's no way I could afford a kid, especially with everything as expensive as it is nowadays. And, in order to have a kid, I'd have to have sex with a woman, which, frankly, is not tops on my list of things to do......=P
I don't know---sometimes I sit back and look onto the lives of all my friends with envious eyes. Seems everyone either has or is getting everything they want, everything they need, and it just comes to them with no effort whatsoever. I know that's not the case, but in recent weeks, especially with the finances that I'm now having to deal with, and with the fact that all the rest of my friends are just having money handed over to them, it's just hard to not look upon life with a cynical eye. Speaking of money being handed to people, I just found out that ANOTHER friend of mine from work won over $2,000 playing bingo a few nights ago. Bingo! Can you freaking believe that? She spent $4 on her cards and was rewarded with a $2,079 prize at the end of the night. Fucking unreal. I can't even win $2 on a scratch off lottery ticket.....
I need something to go right in my life, and I need it soon. I need to find a new job, something I am looking into for myself at the moment, something that pays at least a LITTLE more than what I am earning now. I need a friend to talk to, someone I can always count on to be there--something I just don't have at the moment, despite all of my friends all over the world on the internet. I don't have someone that I can just call up and say "hey, let's go have a cup of coffee and talk for a while". I don't have anyone to hold at night while I sleep. My body pillow bears the brunt of my nighttime affections. So much that almost every morning when I wake up, the silly thing has escaped the bed and is curled up on the floor next to the bed.....Love you too Mr. Pillow. And I am as old as my parents were when they had me and were settling into their lives for the long haul.
I wonder what my long haul is going to turn out to be. I wish I had some kind of an idea....any clue would be great. But for now, I sit watching this November thunderstorm in Michigan and wait.....
posted by Scooter at 1:44 PM
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